Femininity & Feminism Survey, Part 7

Anonymous

How do you self-identify?

I look at the person I am now in relation to who I want to be and what I aspire to be. I identify through how my family and people who are important to me see me. I identify myself through my morals and standards that I hold for myself and people I care for.

Which of these words most closely relates to your identity: queer/femme/butch/lady/girlie/woman/dude/lesbian/gay/straight/andro/trans? (add other terms if necessary)

I find these words to be problematic and weird for me to identify myself as any of these things. I feel that living in the Bay Area and learning how people express their identity and sexuality can be really broad and I have trouble seeing myself in these categories because I do not understand or feel I belong to most of them. Even though I am in a relationship with another woman, I do not identify myself with the terms of gay, straight, bisexual, or anything else because I feel that I have the right to not have to identify through terms that I don’t feel entirely speak of who I am.

Is a combination of these words necessary to define your self-identity?

Generally I don’t think that identity can be “defined” or articulated by singular term.

Femininity & Feminism Survey, Part 6

Katherine S. 


How do you self-identify?
In terms of gender, female. In terms of race/ethnicity, white and Japanese. 

If you most closely relate to femininity as a model of self-presentation, what does that concept mean for you?
I would consider myself fairly feminine in self-presentation. I wear traditionally feminine clothes, like dresses and feminine shoes, I have a traditionally feminine haircut and I tend to walk with a sway to my hips. 

Which of these words most closely relates to your identity: queer/femme/butch/lady/girlie/woman/dude/lesbian/gay/straight/andro/trans? (add other terms if necessary)
I would say straight. Maybe like a femme dude, is that possible? I like accentuating my feminine features through dress and style, but I wouldn't call myself girlie or femme, because I'll only do it if it's easy. For instance, I won't wear makeup because it takes too long and costs too much.

Is a combination of these words necessary to define your self-identity?
I'm liking the idea of being a straight femme dude. I may have a feminine self-presentation, but don't expect me to be fulfilling the rest of the female stereotypes of femininity. I'm not super neat and I've been known to not wash my face before leaving the house -- these things are dude-like, I feel. I don't feel I need to be in a relationship to be whole and I don't feel I need to be protected by men -- these things lay outside of the female stereotype. 

How do you define "femininity"?
That's a really hard question. A good starting point for the definition would be attributes associated with things typical of women.

Do you see femininity as limiting or freeing? How do you argue for or against "traditional" forms of femininity?
I see femininity as an ideal self to be limiting. The concept is restrictive for those who don't fall into the traditional feminine type and don't want to. But, if it's one aspect of your whole identity, I don't see it as restrictive at all, rather as something that can paint a more complete picture of who you are.

What does "femme" or "femininity" personally mean to you? Do you relate to these terms? Do you project your own definition onto these terms and re-define them?
For me, femininity is manifesting the more traditional aspects of female identity. Being a little more dainty, wanting to be perceived as feminine by dressing and styling in a feminine fashion, these are aspects of femininity to me. I do relate to these in certain contexts. I would say my femininity fluctuates. I probably do re-define these terms as I get older. I used to have a very strict idea of femininity and I was not part of that definition. As I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate it as an aspect of my personality, not a dominant part of it. 

Can femininity be a revolutionary act?
I think so. When I was younger, I was very devoted to the idea of not being feminine. I wanted to break stereotypes. I dressed like a boy and denied any feminine qualities I might have. I came to realize that I was restricting myself and that they not feminine me and the feminine me were both part of my identity. I should be able to express them both. So, for me, embracing femininity was revolutionary.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If yes, have you ever seen femininity as limiting to your feminism? If no, why not?
I do consider myself a feminist. As I mentioned in the last two questions, I really feel that embracing femininity in may case was liberating. I had been denying any feminine attributes because I thought that's what it meant to be a feminist. I felt to be a feminist was to not give in to any stereotype. I was liberated when I realized that being feminine was just a part of who I am.

Femininity & Feminism Survey, Part 5

Anonymous


How do you self-identify?

As a tired law student who can't wait for the summer. I'm also gay and a lady and I really like to eat delicious food.

If you most closely relate to femininity as a model of self-presentation, what does that concept mean for you?

Which of these words most closely relates to your identity: queer/femme/butch/lady/girlie/woman/dude/lesbian/gay/straight/andro/trans? (add other terms if necessary)

Gay. I'm not cool enough to be queer. 

Is a combination of these words necessary to define your self-identity?

It used to be important to me to have a word to identify myself, but now it's not. Gay seems easy to understand and approachable--it works for me. 

How do you define "femininity"?

A powerful kindness 

Do you see femininity as limiting or freeing? How do you argue for or against "traditional" forms of femininity?

Femininity can be freeing and powerful, it just have to be constructed that way. It is often not and can be used to limit, but I don't let that happen to me. 

What does "femme" or "femininity" personally mean to you? Do you relate to these terms? Do you project your own definition onto these terms and re-define them?

I suppose I am feminine, but I don't adopt the historical meaning of the term--I accept who I am and enjoy it. 

Can femininity be a revolutionary act?

Sure 

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If yes, have you ever seen femininity as limiting to your feminism? If no, why not?

Yeah. To me, a feminist is someone who thinks that all people should be treated the same and given the same opportunities regardless of the pitch of their voice or the jingle between someone's legs. With that definition, I have not found femininity to be limiting, but often people define feminism in ways that are not helpful. People should be able to present in ways that make them feel comfortable and to find power and a voice in that presentation.  

Femininity & Feminism Survey, Part 4

D.D. P.


How do you self-identify?
As a queer femme.

If you most closely relate to femininity as a model of self-presentation, what does that concept mean for you?
Femininity transforms into a performative, chosen role when the target sex is one of your own. The roles reserved for women in society become radicalized and substantially changed for queer women who choose to appear more feminine. However the femininity (in my case at least) is strictly portrayed through dress. To simplify- I wear dresses and paint my nails and wear high heels and paint my face, but the high passivity of a typical feminine woman stops there. 

Which of these words most closely relates to your identity: queer/femme/butch/lady/girlie/woman/dude/lesbian/gay/straight/andro/trans? (add other terms if necessary)
Queer Femme.

Is a combination of these words necessary to define your self-identity?
Absolutely. Queer becomes the friendliest, most applicable term to "what I am". It becomes a choice of not identifying rather than doing so. terms like "Lesbian" or "Dyke" (which I will use on the rarest of occasions) feel exclusive and restricting. By labeling myself as Queer I am recognizing myself as a part of a greater community that includes people of all and non-orientations. As for femme, well, that becomes like a sub community. A small indicator to potential dates that nail polish dry time might need to factor into pre-date dressing times. ;)

How do you define "femininity"?
This is completely a personal definition, but femininity to me becomes two things. On the street and in public every day life it becomes the obvious. It becomes how I walk and carry myself, how I dress and style myself. But in a queer community it gets more complicated. Femininity becomes whatever people decide to call it. It becomes the revolutionary act of defying previously set gender roles. It becomes the butch woman who looks in the mirror and notices that her face looks handsome when her cheeks are flushed. It becomes the boy who comes out of the closet and he feels more attune to the world and nature. It becomes the group of non-gendered people who find a community and care and cultivate it like they would a garden. 

So in a word, femininity is indefinable as it becomes a completely subjective experience to each and every person. 

Do you see femininity as limiting or freeing? How do you argue for or against "traditional" forms of femininity?
When I look at my grandmother who has spent the better part of her life in mourning over a man who took advantage of her, cheated on her, and left her with nothing. I see it as limiting. I hear stories either from her or my own mother of how marriage to him was a kind of servitude. Her entire life dreams were stopped, because she was “supposed” to raise a family and be a wife. It was the horrifying image of 50’s housewife played to the tee. Yet this was how she was raised, to understand that she existed to serve a man. This is probably to story of everyone’s grandmother or someone they know and in a way it is disappointing. 

Femininity has become such a stereotype, and it is partially warranted. For many, to be feminine, means something very serious in this society. In many ways it still means that one must marry and become a mother, and commit themselves wholly to a man. Granted, things are changing for the better and the rise of single moms and queer moms (or dads) and female bachelors (who reject the term spinster), femininity is becoming less of a curse. And I think in many ways, with the openness and acceptance of queerness (especially in younger communities) we are seeing a shift in our notions of femininity. now femininity is not just limited to women, its something that is in all of us, so in that respect, it is slowly becoming a very freeing thing, although I don’t believe we are there yet. 


What does "femme" or "femininity" personally mean to you? Do you relate to these terms? Do you project your own definition onto these terms and re-define them?
I have basically preached this in previous answers, however for me femme becomes a community, and femininity is an act. I am “femme” when people look at me they will see a woman as they understand it. Someone who could be a textbook definition for a young lady (if you ignore my extremely butch looking partner) in everyday society. However beneath that is a queer girl, who identifies as femme, and therefore puts her into a specific group of people within the queer community who look out for each other as “straight-appearing dykes” as my straight male co-worker so eloquently put it. Femme means having to take heat from the outside strange world for being female and what that means when you walk down the street and some man feels it is his duty to holler after you shouting revolting derogatory things. But it also means having to create a small pocket of people who are like you, who understand that when you wear a dress and date someone who looks like a man, and you seem to fall into all the seemingly “hetero-normative” roles (I almost got through this poll without using that word!) it does not mean that you are straight, or insulting the queer community, nor are you “getting off easier” because of the way you look. It becomes imperative to find people who support and love you and thus bore the term “Femme Unity” so in many ways, femme becomes, as I said earlier, performative. It is this thing that can absolutely become a projection, a meta-act, a constant transformation and re-evaluation as we see fit. As I see fit.


Can femininity be a revolutionary act?
YES. It is. For everyone who dares to embrace their femininity. Just to do so is flipping the bird to extremely patriarchic regiments put in place, and confoundedly still upheld. I wont get into how women are continually oppressed in this society, rather explain that every time a person embraces their femininity they have made the conscious decision to be something that is not the easiest choice. They are doing and being something that will not make life any easier for them, and because of that, in numbers, and just walking down the street with your head held high and a big grin on your face, it becomes a revolution

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If yes, have you ever seen femininity as limiting to your feminism? If no, why not?
I consider myself a feminist in the respects that I am part of a greater community that binds me morally to other people. And I consider myself a feminist in the regard that I am a female who has to sustain in this society, and for that, I think yeah. I am my own kind of feminist, making my own kinds of revolutions daily.

What It Feels Like For A Girl

Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak

Do you know what it feels like for a girl
Do you know what it feels like in this world
For a girl

"Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions.. for safety on the streets... for child care, for social welfare...for rape crisis centers, women's refuges, reforms in the law." (If someone says) 'Oh, I'm not a feminist,' (I ask) 'Why? What's your problem?'"
—Dale Spender, author of For the Record: The Making & Meaning of Feminist Knowledge, 1985

When Housewives Turn Zombie

Photograph by me

Photograph by me